Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize