yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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