Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
