walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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