No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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