The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I could fuck to npr.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
