i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize