omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
