Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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