there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
