Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
