I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its about making memories worth repressing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My bed smells like the plague
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
