Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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