I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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