My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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