Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
