I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
