After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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