oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
