i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was confusing and full of hummus
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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