I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
