FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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