i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
