Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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