thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
