Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
