The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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