She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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