Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
