i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Watching her eat just hurts me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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