So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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