wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
