70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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