i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
