It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
