Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize