Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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