she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
