Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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