I need to stop coming to work sober
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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