I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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