i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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