do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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