For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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