I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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