Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize