one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
