Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
