that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
