My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
