I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
