She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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