listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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