I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
