I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
