we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
