he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
