we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
