I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
