Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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