I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
pray to the hookup gods
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
