I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize