I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
