I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
