When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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