I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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