Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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