Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
