The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
